The other day I shot an elephant in my pajamas...

...how he got in my pajamas I'll never know. - Groucho Marx

http://www.wavlist.com/movies/064/stg-humor.wav

Commander Data  Star Trek: Generations 

I always do my elephant hunting in Alabama, because there the Tuscaloosa. - Groucho Marx

A man goes to a bar, sits down on a bar stool, orders a beer, and the bartender brings it over. The man sits there a few minutes, chit-chats with the bartender, watches a little TV, then, picking up the full, untouched beer, goes into the restroom. There he flushes it down the toilet.
He comes back, sets the empty mug down and asks for another round. The bartender complies, and the guy sits there for a few more minutes. Again, he takes the full, untouched beer and flushes it down the toilet.
"OK, barkeep," he says, " one more time then I gotta get going."
"Buddy, " says the bartender "It don't matter to me, you're paying, but you've taken the last two beers without taking a sip, and flushed them down the toilet. What's up?"
The guy says "I'm tired of being the middle man. "

"Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?"
"Look like the backstroke to me, sir."

"Waiter, there's a fly in my vegetable soup!"
"We don't charge extra for the meat, sir."

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. - Henny Youngman

I was so ugly growing up, my father carried around a picture of the kid who came with the wallet. -Rodney Dangerfield

If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of TV, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners. - Johnny Carson

I always like to go to Washington, D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money. - Bob Hope

Volunteer Issues

Not issues with the Volunteers, but with volunteers. Or more specifically with volunteer organizations.

When Joshua was little, I enjoyed being around him. He was a pleasant kid, and my youngest. But as he got 4 or 5 years old, I felt like we had little in common. Now, Ricky had joined Cub Scouts in the 5th grade, and it was a pretty good experience as far as the camping and the activities and so forth. Now he moved on to Boy Scouts and I went along as an adult volunteer. Joshua was going into first grade, and he wanted to be in cub scouts, so we joined him up too as a Tiger Cub. To be brief, he stayed in cubs all the way through 5th grade, earning every rank and eventually getting the Arrow of Light, the highest award in Cub Scouts, while I was there as Committee Chairman. Now he's in Boy Scouts. That time we spent together in Cub Scouts did EXACTLY what the program is designed for. It brought me and my son closer together through the shared experiences. We became more than just a dad and his kid. We are truly Father and Son. And I was afraid it wouldn't happen.

Anyway, I'm still Committee Chair of the pack, plus some leadership with the Boy Scout troop. I interact with other volunteers often, and I must say that they are good-hearted, well meaning, enthusiastic people who are in Scouting for the right reasons. They want to contribute to their son's and the community's future. They want to be involved in activities that provide service to others. And they want to go camping and hiking and such. But...

Long term volunteers often get what my very good friend calls the "Eeyore syndrome".

You know (deep, slow voice): "That won't work, the boys won't like it. " "It'll probably rain, and then what?" It gets frustrating. And when you're getting their opinion on something, you have to keep that in mind.

I also interact a fair amount with Boy Scout professionals, those who work for the BSA. And they for the most part are good people too. But the difference is that they have a career and a living to worry about. They get certain ideas in their heads about how things should be done, and you can't hardly get it out of them. I don't mean that they don't want the best for the boys, by no means, because as far as this type of deal goes, they're about the best, but when you try to do something a bit different, it has to fit their plan for what they are trying to accomplish career-wise. And it sometimes doesn't. That gets frustrating too.

Yes, a situation came up in the last couple of days that makes me think along these lines. And it will all work out. But I just wish that there was more of  Christopher Robin "How can we make it work?" and less Eeyore.

Why Go To College?

Well, that's ONE reason...

Many years ago, I was between jobs. I was tired of the restaurant business, and decided to get out of it. We were in fairly good shape money-wise at the time so I said "I'm only applying for non-restaurant jobs." Now, a restaurant general manager has to know how to manage several different type jobs. He has administrative duties and often has an administrative assistant, so he's an office manager. Turn over of associates is high, he has to hire and train people constantly, so he's a human resource manager. He verifies bills for payment, makes deposits, maintains cash security, so he's a financial officer. He constantly deals with the public, so he's a customer service manager. Not to mention the government agencies (health department, Wage and Hour, OSHA, etc) so he has to be a compliance manager. You get the picture. I had been doing this for roughly 20 years. So, for the next thirty days, I diligently searched newspapers and stuff for opportunities. I sent out something on the order of 40 resumes in that 30 days. Guess how many responses I got, not to mention interviews.

Zero

Well, that's not entirely true. From one company I got a form letter postcard saying thanks for the resume. I couldn't wait any longer. I sent out three resumes to restaurant jobs and was back to work within a week or so. There's a  friend at work facing the same deal as we speak. She was told that retail experience is a "joke." I'm convinced that it's the lack of a college education on that resume. Just that one line that says "B.A. Auburn University 1978" (I went there to take Commercial Art. I lasted two quarters, September '74 - March '75)
A college degree says "I can focus on one thing for four years and finish." It shows that a person can complete a laid out, systematic method to reach a goal. If the degree is applicable to the job under consideration, it says that the applicant has an aptitude for that field.

THIS IS WHY MY BOYS ARE GOING TO COLLEGE. I want them to have options. I want them to be able to change careers when they're 35 and ready for something different. I don't want them stuck in a field or job or career or organization or with a supervisor they detest because they were too lazy to go to class. They're good kids, they deserve the chance. And somehow, someway, I'm making sure they get it.

Staying Busy

Thursday 6PM Hume-Fogg High School: Seminar on applying for college
               6:30PM Edison Elementary: Cub Scout meeting
Saturday 3PM Kroger: Popcorn Sale
:Sunday   7:30AM Arlington UMC: Community Breakfast
               11AM Arlington UMC: Mayberry Hoe-down Lunch
Tuesday  5PM LP Field: College Fair
              7PM: Hamilton UMC: Boy Scout Meeting
Get the idea? I didn't include work shifts or picking up kids from school. We certainly manage to stay busy. But from what I can gather, I think most families are in the same boat. People want to be involved, they want to spend quality time with family and kids and friends and groups and charitable organizations and on and on and on. With a senior in high school, we want to make sure that every event that sheds light on getting into college gets investigated. Every time I see something about financial aid or scholarships or grants or fees or tuition or whatever gets my attention. People ask me where he wants to go to college. "Wherever will pay him", is my answer.

I knew we weren't doing a good job of getting ready financially for them to go to college. Now I know what my dad meant: "Every time I got two nickles to rub together, something went wrong with the car." Something just always seemed to come up. And I kept thinking we still have time. And now basically time's up.

This started out as a piece on our schedule, and it's moved into college prep, so let's roll with it. Not only does it cost a fortune to get through college (tuition, room and board, and books basically is $10k/year), it costs a fortune to get in there in the first place. The ACT (with the writing part) $75. SAT (early bird fee) $50. Submitting an application to a college (MTSU in this case) $25 (and much more for others). If you screw up and leave a school off your free test score list, it's $14 per. Not to mention transcript fees, phone calls, travel fees (if you can afford college visits), and the psychiatrist I'm going to need before it's all done.

It's not too late for you. I heard this from people for years, and now I know how true it is: START NOW! Some of you have 15 years to get ready for this. Even $10/week can make a difference.

Next blog: Why my kids are going to college, no matter what I have to do.

I Am Blessed

I had two conversations at work with friends today that got me thinking how lucky and blessed I am. One friend mentioned that today would have been his mother's 76th birthday. She died unexpectedly in 1991. Even though he talked freely about some good things about her, I could feel the pain and loss that he still felt.

I, on the other hand, am fortunate that my parents are both still with us. Mom is 83, and Dad will turn 80 in December. Both are still mentally clear (or if not, they fake it well!), and both are in good shape physically for their age. (I kid Mom that she takes so many pills she rattles when she walks). What a blessing that I get to enjoy them still!

Another friend mentioned today that she had "failed" her physical therapy yesterday. See, she was in a very nasty car accident a few months back that, frankly, she's lucky to have survived. She failed because of some exercise that involved moving her head diagonally up and down with her eyes closed, She failed because it made her dizzy and nauseous. Still.

I, on the other hand, have never had a broken bone or been admitted to the hospital. I had a fractured collarbone when I was like 7 or 8. I was chasing my little brother with murderous intent and slipped and fell into the corner of the TV. Now this was probably 1962 or so, and TV's back then weighed as much as a small car does today. I was in a sling for a while. I had hernia surgery back in '08, but other than that, I never get really sick (just a bit under the weather sometimes) and I'm blessed with pretty good health.

There's another good friend there at work that, sometime in the past, lost a child. I don't know the story, but they have good days and bad days still.
All three of these people are among the strongest, most positive people I know. I hope some of that rubs off on me.

I, on the other hand, am blessed with five fine, healthy offspring. They are all intelligent, confident, and well-adjusted (at least, as well-adjusted as kids of mine could be). I feel good about my relationship with each of them, and love them completely.

Our Cub Scout pack has signed up about 40 new kids this month. It saddens me when I see how many of them come with step-parents. My two girls have adjusted well to their step-mother. I hope these scouts do too.

I, on the other hand, never realized just how bad my first marriage was until I was blessed enough to get into a good one. In many ways, Monica saved my life back in 1989. We'll be married twenty years next June. It STILL feels like about four (until DJ wants the car keys). I've heard that one true test of love is if that person's happiness is more important than your own. Hers is.

(If Momma's happy, everybody's happy!)

I often moan and groan and complain and so forth, but I am THE most blessed person there is. I therefore have to work hard every day to earn it. And, I hope, to pass some of it along.

These Aren't the Droids You're Looking For

They say that if you say something loud enough and often enough, it'll start to make sense.

What you say, and how you say it, can make a huge difference on someone's day (I was going to say life, but I don't want to overblow it). Many people today just don't seem to understand this simple fact. People in authority too many times nowadays think that being blunt is being honest, that "I say what's on my mind" is something to be proud of, that management means telling people what to do. After 30 years in management, I got out because these misconceptions were becoming the norm, not the exception.
Yes, managers should be honest. Yes, managers should give direction when needed. But more important than that is realizing that a manager's job is to get a certain job done through their people. The good manager knows enough about their associates on an individual basis to know what motivates them, and how to use that factor to get the most out of them. And good managers remember what it was like to be the associate.

These same concepts work outside the workplace. Your family responds to you the same way; in fact, they need more attention because they know you well enough to respond to non-verbal clues. It comes up to me often in Scouts, where I am basically the General Manager of the pack. My job is to co-ordinate the efforts of a group of volunteers to present a good program to a bunch (71!) of elementary school boys. Think you can brow-beat a volunteer?

So until we learn Jedi mind tricks, simply remembering to respect the individuals you interact with will make your day and theirs much easier. May the Force be with you. Live long and prosper. (Oops, sorry, wrong reference!)

Football is Back!

Yesterday, September 11th, the Scouts had scheduled a 9/11 observance at the South Police Precinct. This is a very noble, civic minded type event, one that I definitely want my kids and the scouts in my pack to be involved with. This was something that I felt strongly about, that everyone should go, no doubt about it.

I found myself wishing they had scheduled it at 3:30.
Why? Because the Titans game wouldn't be over until right around 3.

Settle down now, OF COURSE we left on time, during the 3rd quarter. But sports are big in our house. I have always loved sports. I played Little League baseball, tried a little track in 5th and 6th grade, and high school basketball. I've always enjoyed watching and attending sporting events. Monica grew up similarly, a Bengals fan (I know, right) and Ohio State follower. DJ played football from 2nd grade until his neck fracture last year, as well as wrestling and track. Ricky tried wrestling for a season, and is considering fencing for his high school. (Who knows about Joshua.) So I guess a preoccupation with sports is normal.

Everybody in the family is a Titans fan, except Joshua who doesn't follow sports.I kid him that he was left on the doorstep. So we, especially DJ and I, watch NFL Network regularly, ESPN is on constantly, and there's frequently a discussion of how the Titans will do. (The Predators are a subject of conversation during their season, but it's not with the same intensity). We follow college, but pro sports are the biggie.

We're projecting the Titans to go 6-10 this season and miss the playoffs. The combination of new coaches, new quarterbacks, and correcting the talent problems from last year are just to much to overcome. We think they'll be competitive in most every game, meaning they'll still have a chance to win in the fourth quarter. So yesterday's first half was really disappointing (if you didn't see it, trust me, you're better off). I think that a bit more practice and game experience will help, but it reinforced my prediction.

So if my football posts get a bit... argumentative(?) during the next 16 weeks, forgive me. Warning: don't call the house on Sundays between 12-4. I will sometimes slip and say "we" when talking about the team. I keep telling myself that 6-10 would be a good season, but there's a little voice that keeps going "Well, with Peyton Manning out, who knows..."

I Remember Like it was Yesterday

Ten years ago, when I was the Meat Manager at Sam's Club in Murfreesboro, I always closed on Tuesdays. That means I didn't go to work until 11AM, maybe later. So, Tuesday, September 11, 2001, I'm sitting at the computer, just playing around, with ESPN on the TV at the other end of the room. Back then SportsCenter ran in 2 hour loops, so by the second loop I'm only paying half-attention to it.

Until I heard them say "We will break into our programming with any news about this attack on our country". I jumped up in shock, grabbed the remote, and switched to CNN. There I saw my first views of the attack on the World Trade Center. I believe it was a close-up of the smoke coming from the side of the building. As I listened in horror to them talking about what had happened, the tower began to fall. They pulled back to show the entire scene. I called Monica and told her about it. We were using pre-pay cell phones back then, and I asked her if she had a refill card for later. I was getting worried that we may not be able to stay in touch, like maybe the landlines would go down.

Information was chaotic. There were reports of an explosion at the Pentagon. There was an unidentified plane flying toward Washington along the Potomac. There was information that said that, on any given day, as many as 10,000 people would be in the towers. On the way to work, I stopped and got more minutes for the phones. Everyone in the store was scared and angry. When I dropped one off for Monica, I told her to consider getting the kids home early. No one knew what was going on and what was going to happen.

It was empty at work. There were several management discussions on what to do and how to handle the rest of the day. One of the associates left upset because her father had left the day before for a meeting in New York. We all kinda just went sleep-walking through the day. Until about 5:30PM. Apparently word had gotten out that gas prices were jumping because of fear that there would be no Middle Eastern oil. We all got pulled out into the parking lot directing traffic to the gas station. Cars were backed up all through the parking lot and out onto the road. As packed as the pumps were, everybody was very calm and understanding with us. All expressed a desire for military action.

We must always remember how that day felt, the fear we went through, the shock and horror. I can best describe it with one more anecdote: I'll never forget how chilled I got when I was bringing DJ home. As we pulled into the driveway, he said he couldn't get the idea of those pilots with knives held on them flying right towards the buildings out of his head. He was 7. I felt like he had lost a piece of his childhood. And I was sad all over again.

Star Trek Celebrates 45 Years and How it Helped Me

Star Trek Star Trek Cast Celebrates 45 Years, Part 4:

'via Blog this'

On Sept. 8, 1966, I was just sitting around looking for something to watch on TV. I stumbled onto "Star Trek". I was 10 years old. And I've been hooked ever since.

I'm not a "Trekkie" or a "Trekker". I don't dress up. I haven't remodeled the living room to look like the Enterprise bridge. I don't have pointed sideburns. I have watched every filmed episode of every version of Star Trek in all its forms. I've seen all the movies. I've read a lot of the books. I visit Startrek.com frequently. A Star Trek actor in a project will induce me to watch it.

I have a lot of Star Trek memorabilia. I've bought very little of it. Most of it is gifts from friends and family. When Monica and I first got married, her extended family drew names and exchanged gifts for Christmas. I was new to the family. They heard I liked Star Trek. The logical move: Star Trek themed presents. Which I was cool with. One of the coolest gifts I've ever received from anyone came about this way: Monica's Aunt May drew my name in 1994. Now, May owns a jewelry store in Lexington. She was struggling trying to come up with a gift for me. Now, in case you don't know, William Shatner (Capt. Kirk) is a horse-breeder, and owns a ranch in Lexington. His ranch foreman is a regular of May's shop. He came in one day, and they were talking, and May asked if Shatner would autograph a picture for me. So at the Christmas get-together, I open my gift. It's a picture frame with a piece of cardboard in it. On the cardboard is a note "With love, May" and a kiss. "May, this is...great" I mumbled. Then she told me the story, and added that the picture would be along in a few days. It's in that frame, over my desk. And it's not the autograph that makes it cool, it's the fact that she thought of me and did something different and off the wall. May's still one of my favorite people.

Why Star Trek? Because it's intelligent. It's realistic (once you buy the premise). It's optimistic. It postulates a future where all of mankind's petty differences have been eliminated, and all the energy and creativity used selfishly now is used to solve Earth's problems together. There's no war, no bigotry, no classes of people. It shows a world we'd all like to live in. The characters are real people. The interactions between them are real. And it can be rip-roaring adventure.

Happy birthday, Star Trek! Thanks for everything.

Being Grown-Up

   When I was growing up, my maternal grandparents lived in a big house not far from us. Every Sunday evening, we went over there for a visit. My cousins would be there too, at least most of the time, as well as my two aunts who lived with them, so there was a pretty good little crowd there. There was a lot of places to play outside, even though I don't remember exactly what all we did, except that there was an alley that ran behind the house that we thought was pretty neat. And around the block was a Haunted House! (That was our assumption: the house had some kind of wavy type glass in the windows and when a car went by, it looked like a candle running through the house even when no one was there! Pretty creepy when you're 8!)
   But that's not why we're here (although it was getting kinda interesting). I remember one night in particular, all the adults were in the living room, sitting around just talking, the kids were either outside or in the other room watching TV, and I was sitting there at the edge of the living room listening to the adults. Suddenly, my dad leaned over toward me and said something like I should go with the other kids. I replied to the effect that I wanted to stay there, and he said "Don't be in such a hurry to grow up."

Man, sometimes I wish I could have done something about it, Dad!

I guess I was always in a hurry to grow up. I had a paper route at 13 because I wanted my own money, I had a "real" job as a busboy at 16, and I was assistant manager of a restaurant at 19. Little did I know what being GROWN-UP involves. I was going to make a list, but why? It all boils down to one concept: Children are only responsible for themselves. Adults are responsible for others. And that puts a lot of pressure on one. I was brought up at home and trained at work to believe that there is a solution for every problem and you can solve it if you work at it hard enough. And if there's not a solution, it's because you didn't do something in the past to prevent the problem in the first place. And in a lot of ways, I believe that. So I tend to fret about stuff. There is a difference between "fret" and "worry". I don't worry. I fret.

This is another reason I enjoy Scouting. (This just occurred to me as I write this, by the way!). I get to be a kid a lot of the time! If I set up the activity properly, when it happens, I get to relax a bit and play with the kids! So, since this is getting a little long, I'll end it right here by saying that if you don't have something to let you be a kid for a while every now and then, FIND ONE! Your friends and family will thank you.

About: Scouts and 9/11, football, rousing rabbles, and smoking

Just some truly random bits, because I feel like blogging but I don't have anything really to say...

I've been involved a bit today in setting up our cub scout pack's participation in some memorial observations of the 10th anniversary of 9/11 coming up this weekend. On Saturday, the Boy Scout Council (kinda like the regional office) will be accepting flags that are in need of a formal retirement at the office on Hillsboro Pike, and our pack will be there from 3:30 until 5:30pm. Then on Sunday, we'll be participating in a Memorial Observance at the South Police Precinct on Harding Place. These are the kind of things that we feel our boys should be involved with in order to gain a true appreciation for this country.

Of course, on the negative side, it also coincides with the opening weekend of NFL football. I'm really looking forward to the season. I think the Titans will be better than I thought at first, but I still don't see them going to the playoffs. I'm forecasting a 7-9 season, but with us still being competitive in those 7.

Politics is everywhere nowadays as the presidential campaign gets closer. I don't know if I'm ready to hear it all but it's coming up. Without getting into it too deeply (plenty of time for that later), I don't think I'll be voting for anyone from either party who is too much of a hard-liner. The phrase I used earlier talking to Monica was "rabble-rouser". We need people who talk together and work things out, not yell across the aisle at each other.

Last but not least, I've not smoked in 89 days. I'm still pretty damn proud of that! Considering that I smoked for 13,870 days (38 years), that's quite a lifestyle change!
Stock tip: Wrigley's Doublemint gum's going to see a profit increase this year, I bet.

Not childish, child-like!

Today I was stocking lettuce at work. Now, that's not uncommon, I pretty much do that every day. The boxes come with a flap on the front so the bags won't fall out. I stack up the boxes from inside the cooler, behind the product, facing the doors. You have to leave that flap I mentioned on the box while you do this or the bags go everywhere (I actually had to demonstrate this to a manager not too long ago; they didn't believe me.Now THAT'S micro-management!"Why don't you take the flap off first?") Anywho, so I get the boxes stacked and ready. I have to go out of the cooler and around to the doors so I can cut the flap off. And you have to hurry, because if you don't, some customer will destroy the appearance of the whole stack trying to rip off the flap so they can get the "freshest" bag. I take my handy-dandy Walmart-approved safety box cutter and slash the cardboard flap off the six boxes, zip zip zip. There's a family shopping a couple of feet away, and I hear this little girl, about 9 or 10, giggle and say "Grandma, did you see what he did? That was cool!"

Don't you wish that you could be so impressed by something so simple? What happens to us as we grow up that we lose that sense of wonder and excitement? One of the nicest compliments I ever got was given to me many years ago when my roommate described me as "childlike." He was using that description to explain why most people liked working for me. He said that things never got old in my restaurants, that people always wondered what I'd come up with next. When I was running the O'Charley's on Murfreesboro Road, on Friday night we often had movie quote night. I'd write an obscure movie quote on the dry erase board, and all night people tried to either guess what movie, or they'd try to stump me. The one that started it I'll never forget: "This town needs an enema." Most people probably know this one now, but back then it was a new movie.

I regret losing that childlike quality, or at least letting it dim. That 9 year old little girl today probably did more for me than any "Positive Mental Attitude" speaker I've ever heard. I'm going to try to get some of that back.

Next quote: "I'm here to kick ass and chew bubble gum. And I'm all out of bubble gum."

It's Friday! ...big deal...

It's Friday, and that's pizza night at our house. DJ is planning to go watch his old football team, Hillwood, play tonight at Antioch. Monica said the other day that she's probably going too. I'd like to go, but I just can't see being gone until after 10PM when I have to get up at 4AM tomorrow. Not to mention that it would make for an awful long day today. I always say that I hate getting up at 4 but I like getting off work at 1:30, but it is starting to get to me. I'm getting tired of being tired all the time. With some of the changes that are coming up with my position at work, I may add asking for a new schedule in there. I keep thinking I should take a nap in the afternoon, but I'm not much of a napper. More than 15 minutes or so and I wake up feeling all groggy and such. It takes about an hour to get over that. So no thanks. We'll just have to see what develops.

The title of this post refers to the fact that Friday is just another day to people like me who work weekends. I've done it all my life, beginning with my paper route at 13 years old, but still, sometimes I find myself going " I get so tired of working Saturdays when everyone else is off " I'm fortunate enough now that my current schedule has me off every Sunday, but I've NEVER had Saturdays off on any kind of regular basis. So sometimes when I see people making such a big deal of the weekend, I get, I don't know, depressed, for want of a better word.

And don't EVEN get me started on the holidays and (to people in retail) that miserable song "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year"...